Ll, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I’m a 25 year-old woman and have been married for a year. Once, my husband had asked me to have sex with him when i was having my menstruation. At that time, i refused to do so. But i am still curious and would like to ask you whether it is safe to have sex when i am still having my menstruation?

Dearest Ll in Indonesia

Well, do you know that every religion in this world forbid anyone to have sex when they are having their menstruation. Especially in Islam, it is forbidden and it is a sin to do so. It is also forbidden from medical point of view. Let’s hear it from this view.

You know that women’s sexual organ has openings, from the bottom (vagina) and leads towards the cervix of the uterus, goes to the uterine cavity to be fallopian tube and ends in the periloneum cavity. We know that there are many important and sensitive organs in the abdomen, such as pancreas, liver, etc. If germs/viruses comes from inside the vagina and goes inside the abdomen. This can be dangerous. In normal conditions, there’s slimy juice on the opening of the cervix that contain abundant of leucosits. This leucosits will be ready to eat any germs or viruses that try to go through to the uterus. This juice is important to the women’s body because we know that men seldom wash his penis before having sex. This juice can also stop dirt or beach sand that brought inside the vagina for example when a couple is having sex on the beach sand. Vagina also produce protection by what we called Doderline germs, this substance can prevent infection in the vagina. Even when the germs can pass the vagina they will be stopped by cervical gel, so they can’t infect the uterus.

When a woman is having her menstruation, this slimy juice is removed from the cervical opening to let the menstrual blood pass through to the vagina. So, during menstruation, a woman’s sexual organ is exposed to any possibilities of infection. That’s the first thing, second thing is that a woman has many injured by the uterine cavity. If a woman is having sex during her menstruation, any germs can get inside the vagina, quickly goes through the uterus and her abdomen. In addition, they can also get inside the veins and directly goes to the vital organs in her body. This is very dangerous to women. This can also cause immediate death if there’s air bubble that pushed inside the veins by penis and go through to the vital organs such as the brain on bubble will cause alergy, seen by seijures that quickly followed by multycle organ failure and sudden death occius. We knoe that there were many accident like this happened before.

So, as you can see medics and religion has the same opinion about this problem. I hope you can understand and pay careful attention on it.

Gnw, Indonesia

Saya seorang pria dan telah menikah. Saya mempunyai kebiasaaan menonton Film Erotis, karena saya percaya dengan menontonnya dapat menstimulasi gairah saya dalam bercinta. Kadang-kadang saya ingin mengajak istri saya untuk menontonnya dan siapa tahu kami dapat bercinta dengan lebih dahsyat. Tapi sayang, istri saya ogah-ogahan. Sebenarnya baik atau tidak sih dok, menonton film erotis sebelum bercinta? Dan bagaimana saya bisa membujuknya agar mau?

Dear Gnw,

Gnw.. yang hobi nonton BF tapi sayang istrinya nggak mau (atau mungkin malu-malu kucing?). Sering hal ini merupakan hal yang lumrah di Indonesia. Ini adalah produk dari seks edukasi yang salah. Biasanya orangtua itu takut terjadi ‘kecelakaan’ pada wanita, maka mereka berusaha menakut-nakuti wanita mengenai masalah-masalah seksual diharapkan dengan menakut-nakuti maka wanita akan menjauhi hubungan seks terutama sebelum menikah. Tapi hal yang sangat negatif dari cara ini adalah wanita jadi tidak bisa menikmati seksual seumur hidupnya karena terlalu didepresi, bila dia didepresi selama 10-15 tahun tentu tidak bisa merubahnya dalam 1-2 hari sehingga anda jangan takut ini sudah merupakan suatu kebiasaan bahwa wanita tidak senang nonton film erotis. Mereka bahkan juga tidak senang melakukan hal-hal yang berlebihan dalam hubungan seks. Karena mereka menganggap hal itu sebagai dosa, kotor, tabu dan membayangkan bahwa gerakan-gerakan seperti itu tidak layak buat wanita baik-baik dan hanya dilakukan oleh perempuan-perempuan ‘nakal’. Jadi itu sudah suatu pola kepribadian. Nah sekarang bagaimana cara membujuknya? Anda musti merubahnya dengan perlahan-lahan dan sabar. Kalau anda cukup gigih maka saya kira lama-kelamaan pendirian istri anda akan dapat berubah.

Dear Doctor,

Dear Doctor,

I need to know: Could i get pregnant by transferation of sperm that went through my mouth, then we did french-kissing, and then his mouth goes to my vagina? thanks.

Dear Linda, in US

No, it is impossible to get pregnant, because in mouth there is an enzym, a protheolytic enzym which can kill protein such as sperms. This enzym is contained in our saliva. So, it is impossible or a little chance to get pregnant that way.

Dear Doctor,

my 30 yr old lover has no problem staying hard for hours, even after ejaculation, his problem is that he wants to come over and over again, and we can’t seem to get him to do this more than 3 times in a session–could be hours..he really wants to come often, and is very open to all aspects of sexual pleasure,,viagra and other male stimulants seem to just make him numb and unable to come at all,, is there anyway that would enable him to ejaculate more often,,as i said, staying hard and achieving erections are not a problem

Dear Sue,

As long as I know, the sexual performance of your 30 year old lover has already been in a very good condition or I can say he has very superb condition. If he can get up 3 times in a session and can stay for hours, then that’s already a very good / extraordinary performance for your lover.
I ‘m afraid we don’t have any drugs/methods to make people ejaculate very often. The ability to get erection and ejaculate is something which is born together with you, so it is an individual potency and cannot be changed by drugs or any methods. So, don’t worry just be happy with it, just remember that you had everything that has already been extraordinary in comparison to other people.
Maybe you can remind your lover and let him read Multiorgasmic Man book. In that book, Mantak Chia has stated that in Chinese custom, ejaculation is a waste of energy. So, Chinese (Taoist) tends to get many orgasm without ejaculation. According to him, that’s the healthiest thing. You can get many orgasm without having ejaculation.

Sugi, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I have a problem with my wife. I have just been married about one month ago, but I couldn’t have been able to penetrate. I’ve tried any possible ways. For addition, my wife is 27 years old and her vagina is very tight. Sometimes my penis feels hurt when I try to penetrate. So please doc, explain me how to penetrate her.

Dear Sugi in Indonesia,

This is called Vaginismus and this happened when the women feels fear and she squeeze with her thigh so the vagina become so tight. Try to penetrate gradually. In the first time do not penetrate with your penis, just try by your little finger first. It will be better with lubrication liquid and do it slowly.

If your little finger succesfully penetrated, try with the bigger one. If your wife start to feel pleasure with your biggest finger, now you can try by inserting the penis slowly.

Agus, Indonesia:

Dokter,

Salam,

Saya seorang pria berumur 25 tahun. Saya pengantin baru, dan masih bereksperimen tentang cara-cara bersenggama yang baik,.. Nah

kami bersepakat untuk menunda kehadiran anak, sehingga kami kemungkinan besar akan ber KB, namun selama ini kami memiliki anggapan bahwa KB yang terbaik adalah melalui penanggalan.

Kemarin pada hari kedelapan setelah istri saya haid kami keterusan dan saya memuntahkan cairan semen saya di dalam,

Apakah hal ini akan mengakibatkan kehamilan, dan kalau iya apakah masih bisa dicegah, sebab kalau sang janin telah terbentuk kami tidak akan melakukan aborsi…

Demikian pertanyaan saya dok, terima kasih banyak sebelumnya atas tanggapannya…

Mas Agus yang jago komputer di Indonesia

Tidak betul bahwa KB penanggalan adalah metode KB yang terbaik. Jaman Baheula,.. kali! Teknologi sudah sedemikian canggih, orang sudah pakai internet segala, anda masih pake KB jaman baheula, ketinggalan jaman namanya.

Kalau KB penanggalan itu baik atau memuaskan maka kita tidak akan mencari metode-metode baru, logis kan? Kalau para ahli medis masih mencari metode KB yang baru terus, maka itu berarti metode KB yang ada selama ini belum cukup memuaskan, apalagi KB dari jaman ratusan tahun yang lalu.

Anda mengatakan sudah kebablasan memuntahkan sperma di dalam vagina istri. Ya.. ini masalahnya, ini tentu bisa menimbulkan kehamilan. Kalau sudah terjadi pembuahan di dalam, maka ini sudah tidak bisa dicegah. Kurang lebih 13 hari sebelum haid yang akan datang (1-3 hari setelah senggama) akan terjadi pembuahan dan sudah terbentuk janin (modiga). Memang belum bisa terlihat tapi janin itu sudah ada.

There are two important reasons for choosing a contraception method. Usually patient choose a contraception which have less side-effect. Side-effects of using contraception are such as becoming fat, thin, got a headache and etc. These side-effects can happen to everyone but with less possibility which is about 2 – 3 %. There are some contraception methods such as sterilization, contraception pills, injection, IUD, contraception barrier method, another method and calendar method.

The Rank of Failure Ratio of Contraception Methods sorted from less failure ratio to high failure ratio as below:

1. Sterilization.

This method have the least side-effect. The failure ratio of sterilization is about 2 – 6/100. 000 patient in a year.
Sterilization on women is usually called MOW ( medis operatif wanita ) or tubectomy and on men is called MOP (medis operatif pria ) or vasectomy.
Sterilization on men is done by making a blockage on the vasdeferens. By doing this, sperm route to the ovum is blocked, so the sperm won’t be able to reach the ovum. Women and men can use this method. The blockage process is done outside the testicles so sterilization won’t have a dangerous side-effect and safer.

2. Contraception pills.

Contraception Pills contain normal hormone in the women’s body and this hormon make the condition of women’s body similar to the condition of pregnancy. The failure ratio of contraception pills is about 1%.
Pills method is intended for a neat person and someone who have a good memory.
Patient must eat the pill regularly in order to make it work. There are many kind of pills such as pills which produced by BKBN, it’s very cheap, pills with blue and gold square (lingkaran biru and emas) which is subsidized by the state, or pills with less doses and it’s expensive. Don’t use pills if the woman had abnormal bleeding. Someone who have a varices is also not permitted to use these pill because contraception pills can disturb the cycle of blood.

3. Injection.

There are many period of injection such as 1 month, 2 month or 3 month.
Injection also contains sexual hormone of a woman, so it will disturb the cycle of menstruation but don’t worry about that. Usually a woman thinks that menstruation blood is a dirty blood so she thinks that irregular menstruation can have bad effects or psychomatic disease such as headache.

4. IUD

IUD is similar to injection but have longer period of time.
The period is about 1 year until 3 years. IUD is done by inserting a cylastic tube into the uterus. A cylastic tube must be taken out if the period is over. The side-effects of IUD is similar to the side-effects of injection.

5. Contraception barrier method (condoms or diaphragms)

The failure ratio of contraception barrier method is about 3 – 30 %.
Condoms can be used for variations in sexual performance and can prevent sexual transmitted diseases. There are many kinds of condom. There is a condom which have texture for sexual variations or there is a condom which can be used as the extension of a penis.
Diaphragm is a round elastic rubber which is inserted inside the vagina to prevent sperm from getting in the uterus.

6. Another method

Another method is using spermicyde to kill sperm so it can’t fertilize the ovum. A spermicyde is chemical substance which can kill sperm. Women can use a vagina tablet, which have function similar to the function of a spermicyde.

7. Calendar method

This method have the biggest failure ratio. The manner of this method is by paying attention to the cycle of menstruation and the end of fertile period. Sometimes this method is used together with condom’s method. Condom is used during the fertile period and calendar method is used during the infertile period. Calender method is intended for a woman who have a regular menstruation.

Would you like to have a Baby Boy? Or you prefer a Baby Girl instead?

These following tips could be used to let you determine your baby’s sex that suits your preference. These tips are derived from a popular science, there’s no special research conducted about this yet. The possibility of success is about 40 – 60%. We also need to remember that no matter how hard we try, God decides.

For your information, Normally, in one ejaculation sperms are ejaculated in 2-5 cc liquid form. Every cc consists of 60-200 million spermatozoids. So the amount of spermatozoids ejaculated in one ejaculation is about (2-5) x (60-200 million) = 120 million – 1 billion spermatozoids.

But we only need one spermatozoid to fertilize the ovum.

Basic Principles :

1. We know that in sperms there is androsperm (Y gene) and gynosperm (X Gene). If androsperm fertilize the ovum, then you will get a male baby. But if the gynosperm fertilize the ovum, you will get a female baby instead. .




Husband’s Gene	Wife’s Gene	Baby’s Sex
X	X	XX (female)
Y	X	XY (male)

2. Andosperm lives better in basal environment. Gynosperm lives better in acid environment.
3. Androsperm moves faster than gynosperm to ovum. But the weakness is that its energy usually drop fast too and can’t live longer in vagina.
4. Gynosperm usually moves slower than androsperm but they have more energy and can live longer in vagina.
5. In ovulation, sperm lives for 7 days inside the woman’s body, but it can fertilize in 3 days in advance. So the best way to get pregnant is to have sex every 3 days periodm because there will always be sperm that lives in the mother’s body.
6. Spermatozoids march inside the vasdeferens waiting to be launched. Spermatozoids need 2-3 days to mature inside the vas deferens. Sexual intercourse that performed too often can cause unmature spermatozoid be ejaculated otherwise, if performed more than 4 days interval, spermatozoids would get obsolete and not good for fertilization.

How to get a Baby Boy :

1. Sexual Intercourse is best performed in the time of ovulation or in the day close to ovulation time.
2. Before having sex, it’s better for you to make preparation, woman’s vagina should be washed by a solution consists of 2 tablespoon of baking soda dissolved into 1 litre of water.
3. Besides that, eating basal-contained food can help also. Basal-contained food such as fish, seafood, half-ready meat can make blood turns to basal environment, but beware of toxoplasmosis.
4. The husband should ejaculate his sperm deep inside the vagina, as close as it can be to uterus opening.

How to get a Baby Girl :

1. Sexual intercourse is best performed during 2-3 days before ovulation time.
2. Before having sex, it’s better for you to make preparation, woman’s vagina should be washed by a solution consists of 2 tablespoon of vinegar dissolved into 1 litre of water.
3. The husband should ejaculate his sperm close to vagina opening so that sperm couldn’t get inside the uterus quickly. This should give gynosperm a chance to fertilize the ovum.
4. Besides that, eating acid-contained food such as sore fruits, yoghurt, and fresh vegetables

Please keep in mind, we can only make an effort, the end result depends on God’s will.

This one is also for those Indonesian-spoken.

Upi, Indonesia

Assalamu’alaikum, Dok.
Dengan hormat,
Saya ingin menanyakan, apakah seseorang yang pernah berhubungan sama pacarnya tapi tidak sampai dimasukin penisnya, hanya diluar saja.Apakah saya dibilang perawan?Trus, apakah saya perlu periksa sama dokter tentang keperawanan tersebut? Saya sekarang merasa sangat bersalah. Dok, saya mau bertaubat tapi apakah diterima taubat saya? Trus, apakah saya bisa dapat suami yang tidak seperti saya sebelumnya? Saya sangat khawatir akan hal itu. Karena pacar saya sekarang tidak mau diajak untuk nikah. Alasannya masih mau berkarir. Saya sekarang kuliah. Dok, apakah jika ada calon suami saya sekarang, perlukah saya mengatakan bahwa saya pernah berhubungan intim dengan pacar saya dulu? Saya benar-benar menyesal akan tindakan saya dahulu.
Wassalam

Adik Upi,

Mengenai keperawanan, itu tergantung seberapa jauh masuknya. Kalau benar-benar di luar saja sih tidak akan merusak keperawanan, tetapi kalau sudah masuk satu senti, dua senti mungkin bisa saja agak mengganggu selaput perawan anda.

Anda tidak perlu memeriksa selaput dara anda ke dokter.

Jika anda ingin bertobat cepatlah bertobat, kalau memang niat anda sungguh-sungguh pasti Allah akan menerimanya karena Allah itu Maha Pengampun.

Mengenai pacar anda yang tidak mau diajak nikah, ya.. silakan saja anda tentukan. Ada dua pilihan macam laki-laki. Yang satu adalah yang ingin seks, sedangkan yang satu adalah yang ingin menikah. Orang-orang yang ingin menikah, tidak akan mengganggu anda secara seksual, karena ia akan betul-betul menginginkan malam pertama yang indah.

Kalau memang mereka sudah melakukan seks secara kontinyu, maka kemungkinan besar tidak akan mau menikah. Ada laki-laki yang hasrat seksualnya besar, tapi tidak memiliki uang untuk pergi ke penjaja seks, maka mereka akan mencari seks yang gratisan. Kalau anda menolak, ya mereka akan cari orang lain yang mau diajak seks bebas. Itulah masalahnya terutama pada mahasiswa.

Anda tidak perlu takut, kalaupun anda ingin memeriksakan diri ke dokter, nanti saja jika akan menikah sebab kalau dilakukan sekarang, nanti justru akan menimbulkan stress pada diri anda. Jangan pikirkan hal-hal yang sudah lewat, pikirkanlah masa depan. Masa lalu boleh dipakai sebagai bahan pelajaran dari pengalaman, dan lakukan hal yang lebih baik di masa depan.