Sex Q & A: Is it safe to have sex while i’m still having menstruation?

Ll, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I’m a 25 year-old woman and have been married for a year. Once, my husband had asked me to have sex with him when i was having my menstruation. At that time, i refused to do so. But i am still curious and would like to ask you whether it is safe to have sex when i am still having my menstruation?

Dearest Ll in Indonesia

Well, do you know that every religion in this world forbid anyone to have sex when they are having their menstruation. Especially in Islam, it is forbidden and it is a sin to do so. It is also forbidden from medical point of view. Let’s hear it from this view.

You know that women’s sexual organ has openings, from the bottom (vagina) and leads towards the cervix of the uterus, goes to the uterine cavity to be fallopian tube and ends in the periloneum cavity. We know that there are many important and sensitive organs in the abdomen, such as pancreas, liver, etc. If germs/viruses comes from inside the vagina and goes inside the abdomen. This can be dangerous. In normal conditions, there’s slimy juice on the opening of the cervix that contain abundant of leucosits. This leucosits will be ready to eat any germs or viruses that try to go through to the uterus. This juice is important to the women’s body because we know that men seldom wash his penis before having sex. This juice can also stop dirt or beach sand that brought inside the vagina for example when a couple is having sex on the beach sand. Vagina also produce protection by what we called Doderline germs, this substance can prevent infection in the vagina. Even when the germs can pass the vagina they will be stopped by cervical gel, so they can’t infect the uterus.

When a woman is having her menstruation, this slimy juice is removed from the cervical opening to let the menstrual blood pass through to the vagina. So, during menstruation, a woman’s sexual organ is exposed to any possibilities of infection. That’s the first thing, second thing is that a woman has many injured by the uterine cavity. If a woman is having sex during her menstruation, any germs can get inside the vagina, quickly goes through the uterus and her abdomen. In addition, they can also get inside the veins and directly goes to the vital organs in her body. This is very dangerous to women. This can also cause immediate death if there’s air bubble that pushed inside the veins by penis and go through to the vital organs such as the brain on bubble will cause alergy, seen by seijures that quickly followed by multycle organ failure and sudden death occius. We knoe that there were many accident like this happened before.

So, as you can see medics and religion has the same opinion about this problem. I hope you can understand and pay careful attention on it.

Sex Q & A: My lover can’t ejaculate

Dear Doctor,

my 30 yr old lover has no problem staying hard for hours, even after ejaculation, his problem is that he wants to come over and over again, and we can’t seem to get him to do this more than 3 times in a session–could be hours..he really wants to come often, and is very open to all aspects of sexual pleasure,,viagra and other male stimulants seem to just make him numb and unable to come at all,, is there anyway that would enable him to ejaculate more often,,as i said, staying hard and achieving erections are not a problem

Dear Sue,

As long as I know, the sexual performance of your 30 year old lover has already been in a very good condition or I can say he has very superb condition. If he can get up 3 times in a session and can stay for hours, then that’s already a very good / extraordinary performance for your lover.
I ‘m afraid we don’t have any drugs/methods to make people ejaculate very often. The ability to get erection and ejaculate is something which is born together with you, so it is an individual potency and cannot be changed by drugs or any methods. So, don’t worry just be happy with it, just remember that you had everything that has already been extraordinary in comparison to other people.
Maybe you can remind your lover and let him read Multiorgasmic Man book. In that book, Mantak Chia has stated that in Chinese custom, ejaculation is a waste of energy. So, Chinese (Taoist) tends to get many orgasm without ejaculation. According to him, that’s the healthiest thing. You can get many orgasm without having ejaculation.

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Sex Q & A: HELP! I couldn’t penetrate

Sugi, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I have a problem with my wife. I have just been married about one month ago, but I couldn’t have been able to penetrate. I’ve tried any possible ways. For addition, my wife is 27 years old and her vagina is very tight. Sometimes my penis feels hurt when I try to penetrate. So please doc, explain me how to penetrate her.

Dear Sugi in Indonesia,

This is called Vaginismus and this happened when the women feels fear and she squeeze with her thigh so the vagina become so tight. Try to penetrate gradually. In the first time do not penetrate with your penis, just try by your little finger first. It will be better with lubrication liquid and do it slowly.

If your little finger succesfully penetrated, try with the bigger one. If your wife start to feel pleasure with your biggest finger, now you can try by inserting the penis slowly.

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Sex Q & A: I frequently had this sado-masochist fantasy.

Rbt, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I’m a 22 year-old man and not married. In recent weeks, I frequently had this sado-masochist fantasy. I didn’t know where it came from, but I always try to fight this fantasy. Am I normal, doctor? I’m so afraid that this fantasy would disturb my sexual life in my marriage later.

Dear Rbt in Indonesia,

So you frequently had sado-masochist fantasy, and you had tried to fight it. As long as it stays only as a fantasy, you would still be normal. But if this sado-masochist fantasy has become an action and caused pain or death, this is very serious. Of course it would be classified as abnormal.

Usually, a sado-masochist begins from depressed personality. Maybe he has parents who are very strict and make him depressed. he could become a sado-masochist (enjoy receiving pains/hurts or enjoy hurting someone) then because he frequently received pains from his parents (beated, kicked etc). On the other hand, he might rebel against them and become very sadistic such as killing his parents. So it has relationship with one’s childhood.

So, if you have lover who is sado-masochist too in your future marriage, it’ll be a great match for sexual relationship. Sado-masochistic fantasy is still normal and won’t become a serious problem for you. If someone who is in serious grade of sado-masochist and has wife who isn’t, then she might refuse to do sado-masochistic things. Sado-masochist can sometimes disturb sexual relationship because non sado-masochist will refuse to hurt his/her partner or to be hurt by his/her partner in sexual performance.

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Sex Q & A: I have problem getting satisfaction from the one i love

N_Vos, USA:

Dear Doctor, I have a strange problem. I am 18 years old, and had my first sexual experience 2 years ago. It was with my girlfriend, who i cared about. I consider myself oversexed, having started masturbationg at the age of 9. i have many fantasies, usually involving somone i don;t know, or barely know. MY problem, is that i have trouble getting a lot of pleasure from a girl that i love or care about. I have yet to cum with one of my girlfriends, but i had sex with my married next door neighbor, and it was great. But with my girlfriend that i love it is difficult.

Dearest N_Vos, USA

Your problem is not too strange – You started masturbation at the age of 9 that was a little bit early I guess, but not really abnormal ,13 % boys start doing masturbation at the age of 10.

You are not really oversexed , your tension is high due to hormonal instability of your body , soon it will be normal again in your twenties. This is the cause of all your fantasies too.

About your problem, that you get more pleasure making love with your married next-door neighbor than the girl you loved, was really understandable because your girlfriend has no experience in making love and was really afraid to do so, in contrary your mature neighbor enjoys it.

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Sex Q & A: We usually had sex 3 – 4 times daily, My wife can’t keep up, please help!

Yuzz, Malaysia:

Dear Doctor,

Thank you for your time to have discussion with me. I have been married about 2 years ago. The problem is that i want frequent sex with my wife. This is because i have a strong desire to have sex. We usually do this 3-4 times a day. Because of that, my wife told me that she often feel very tired. We have had a big fight once because i often want frequent sex. Is there any way for me to co-op with this problem? Please help me doctor, i’m really nervous about this problem. That’s for now. I hope that you can help me to gain happiness in my family. For your information i have 5 feets, 8 inches height and 144 pound weight.

Dearest Yuzz in Malaysia

Well, as i said before that marriage is like unplugging a watertank. Sexual desire which is forbidden before married by religion, is released after you two get married. It is understandable that the opening of forbidden value is becoming an flood in the early years/months of your marriage. The several arousal is very enormous.

You can perform sex 3-4 times a day. Actually 3-4 times is still normal because some of the people do this 10-12 times a day, even sometimes 20 times in the day and night. That’s why we know as newly wed goes for honeymoon after wedding. They go to a far, isolated place just to prevent them from disturbance. This way they can have sex as often as they want. This overwhelmed desire can be loosen to a normal frequency in the following years. It is recommended for the married couple, not to have a baby too soon and can have sex as frequent as they want. So, please use contraception in the 3-6 early months of your marriage, if it’s going to normal slope then you can get pregnant if you want.

A normal sex frequency is very relative. It is influenced by many things. The First thing is husband and wife’s sexual desire. The second thing is how good your sexual cooperation with your wife. A bad sexual cooperation can lead into a bad sexual quality. A good sexual quality has to be enjoyed by both sides. Don’t do masturbation in your marriage. What i mean about masturbation in this term is that a husband who doesn’t care about his wife’s sexual satisfaction. A good cooperation also needs the same sexual preference. If both sides agree about a sexual position then it can be enjoyed by both sides. But, if there’s one of you disagree about a sexual preference then one of you can’t enjoy this sexual activity. This is a bad sexual quality.

So, the conclusion is that sexual frequency depends on how good is the quality of your sex life. If your sex life is good, of course there isn’t any problems to have a frequent sexual activity. Try to talk gently with your wife and ask her about things she doesn’t like in your sexual activity and also the things she likes. This way i hope can help you enhance your sex life quality and brings happiness to your family.

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