Rbt, Indonesia:
Dear Doctor,
I’m a 22 year-old man and not married. In recent weeks, I frequently had this sado-masochist fantasy. I didn’t know where it came from, but I always try to fight this fantasy. Am I normal, doctor? I’m so afraid that this fantasy would disturb my sexual life in my marriage later.
Dear Rbt in Indonesia,
So you frequently had sado-masochist fantasy, and you had tried to fight it. As long as it stays only as a fantasy, you would still be normal. But if this sado-masochist fantasy has become an action and caused pain or death, this is very serious. Of course it would be classified as abnormal.
Usually, a sado-masochist begins from depressed personality. Maybe he has parents who are very strict and make him depressed. he could become a sado-masochist (enjoy receiving pains/hurts or enjoy hurting someone) then because he frequently received pains from his parents (beated, kicked etc). On the other hand, he might rebel against them and become very sadistic such as killing his parents. So it has relationship with one’s childhood.
So, if you have lover who is sado-masochist too in your future marriage, it’ll be a great match for sexual relationship. Sado-masochistic fantasy is still normal and won’t become a serious problem for you. If someone who is in serious grade of sado-masochist and has wife who isn’t, then she might refuse to do sado-masochistic things. Sado-masochist can sometimes disturb sexual relationship because non sado-masochist will refuse to hurt his/her partner or to be hurt by his/her partner in sexual performance.
