Sex Q & A: HELP! I couldn’t penetrate

Sugi, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I have a problem with my wife. I have just been married about one month ago, but I couldn’t have been able to penetrate. I’ve tried any possible ways. For addition, my wife is 27 years old and her vagina is very tight. Sometimes my penis feels hurt when I try to penetrate. So please doc, explain me how to penetrate her.

Dear Sugi in Indonesia,

This is called Vaginismus and this happened when the women feels fear and she squeeze with her thigh so the vagina become so tight. Try to penetrate gradually. In the first time do not penetrate with your penis, just try by your little finger first. It will be better with lubrication liquid and do it slowly.

If your little finger succesfully penetrated, try with the bigger one. If your wife start to feel pleasure with your biggest finger, now you can try by inserting the penis slowly.

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Sex Q & A: KB kalender, KB terbaik?

Agus, Indonesia:

Dokter,

Salam,

Saya seorang pria berumur 25 tahun. Saya pengantin baru, dan masih bereksperimen tentang cara-cara bersenggama yang baik,.. Nah

kami bersepakat untuk menunda kehadiran anak, sehingga kami kemungkinan besar akan ber KB, namun selama ini kami memiliki anggapan bahwa KB yang terbaik adalah melalui penanggalan.

Kemarin pada hari kedelapan setelah istri saya haid kami keterusan dan saya memuntahkan cairan semen saya di dalam,

Apakah hal ini akan mengakibatkan kehamilan, dan kalau iya apakah masih bisa dicegah, sebab kalau sang janin telah terbentuk kami tidak akan melakukan aborsi…

Demikian pertanyaan saya dok, terima kasih banyak sebelumnya atas tanggapannya…

Mas Agus yang jago komputer di Indonesia

Tidak betul bahwa KB penanggalan adalah metode KB yang terbaik. Jaman Baheula,.. kali! Teknologi sudah sedemikian canggih, orang sudah pakai internet segala, anda masih pake KB jaman baheula, ketinggalan jaman namanya.

Kalau KB penanggalan itu baik atau memuaskan maka kita tidak akan mencari metode-metode baru, logis kan? Kalau para ahli medis masih mencari metode KB yang baru terus, maka itu berarti metode KB yang ada selama ini belum cukup memuaskan, apalagi KB dari jaman ratusan tahun yang lalu.

Anda mengatakan sudah kebablasan memuntahkan sperma di dalam vagina istri. Ya.. ini masalahnya, ini tentu bisa menimbulkan kehamilan. Kalau sudah terjadi pembuahan di dalam, maka ini sudah tidak bisa dicegah. Kurang lebih 13 hari sebelum haid yang akan datang (1-3 hari setelah senggama) akan terjadi pembuahan dan sudah terbentuk janin (modiga). Memang belum bisa terlihat tapi janin itu sudah ada.

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Tips: Guide to Contraception Methods

There are two important reasons for choosing a contraception method. Usually patient choose a contraception which have less side-effect. Side-effects of using contraception are such as becoming fat, thin, got a headache and etc. These side-effects can happen to everyone but with less possibility which is about 2 – 3 %. There are some contraception methods such as sterilization, contraception pills, injection, IUD, contraception barrier method, another method and calendar method.

The Rank of Failure Ratio of Contraception Methods sorted from less failure ratio to high failure ratio as below:

1. Sterilization.

This method have the least side-effect. The failure ratio of sterilization is about 2 – 6/100. 000 patient in a year.
Sterilization on women is usually called MOW ( medis operatif wanita ) or tubectomy and on men is called MOP (medis operatif pria ) or vasectomy.
Sterilization on men is done by making a blockage on the vasdeferens. By doing this, sperm route to the ovum is blocked, so the sperm won’t be able to reach the ovum. Women and men can use this method. The blockage process is done outside the testicles so sterilization won’t have a dangerous side-effect and safer.

2. Contraception pills.

Contraception Pills contain normal hormone in the women’s body and this hormon make the condition of women’s body similar to the condition of pregnancy. The failure ratio of contraception pills is about 1%.
Pills method is intended for a neat person and someone who have a good memory.
Patient must eat the pill regularly in order to make it work. There are many kind of pills such as pills which produced by BKBN, it’s very cheap, pills with blue and gold square (lingkaran biru and emas) which is subsidized by the state, or pills with less doses and it’s expensive. Don’t use pills if the woman had abnormal bleeding. Someone who have a varices is also not permitted to use these pill because contraception pills can disturb the cycle of blood.

3. Injection.

There are many period of injection such as 1 month, 2 month or 3 month.
Injection also contains sexual hormone of a woman, so it will disturb the cycle of menstruation but don’t worry about that. Usually a woman thinks that menstruation blood is a dirty blood so she thinks that irregular menstruation can have bad effects or psychomatic disease such as headache.

4. IUD

IUD is similar to injection but have longer period of time.
The period is about 1 year until 3 years. IUD is done by inserting a cylastic tube into the uterus. A cylastic tube must be taken out if the period is over. The side-effects of IUD is similar to the side-effects of injection.

5. Contraception barrier method (condoms or diaphragms)

The failure ratio of contraception barrier method is about 3 – 30 %.
Condoms can be used for variations in sexual performance and can prevent sexual transmitted diseases. There are many kinds of condom. There is a condom which have texture for sexual variations or there is a condom which can be used as the extension of a penis.
Diaphragm is a round elastic rubber which is inserted inside the vagina to prevent sperm from getting in the uterus.

6. Another method

Another method is using spermicyde to kill sperm so it can’t fertilize the ovum. A spermicyde is chemical substance which can kill sperm. Women can use a vagina tablet, which have function similar to the function of a spermicyde.

7. Calendar method

This method have the biggest failure ratio. The manner of this method is by paying attention to the cycle of menstruation and the end of fertile period. Sometimes this method is used together with condom’s method. Condom is used during the fertile period and calendar method is used during the infertile period. Calender method is intended for a woman who have a regular menstruation.

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Tips: Determine your Baby’s sex

Would you like to have a Baby Boy? Or you prefer a Baby Girl instead?

These following tips could be used to let you determine your baby’s sex that suits your preference. These tips are derived from a popular science, there’s no special research conducted about this yet. The possibility of success is about 40 – 60%. We also need to remember that no matter how hard we try, God decides.

For your information, Normally, in one ejaculation sperms are ejaculated in 2-5 cc liquid form. Every cc consists of 60-200 million spermatozoids. So the amount of spermatozoids ejaculated in one ejaculation is about (2-5) x (60-200 million) = 120 million – 1 billion spermatozoids.

But we only need one spermatozoid to fertilize the ovum.

Basic Principles :

1. We know that in sperms there is androsperm (Y gene) and gynosperm (X Gene). If androsperm fertilize the ovum, then you will get a male baby. But if the gynosperm fertilize the ovum, you will get a female baby instead. .




Husband’s Gene	Wife’s Gene	Baby’s Sex
X	X	XX (female)
Y	X	XY (male)

2. Andosperm lives better in basal environment. Gynosperm lives better in acid environment.
3. Androsperm moves faster than gynosperm to ovum. But the weakness is that its energy usually drop fast too and can’t live longer in vagina.
4. Gynosperm usually moves slower than androsperm but they have more energy and can live longer in vagina.
5. In ovulation, sperm lives for 7 days inside the woman’s body, but it can fertilize in 3 days in advance. So the best way to get pregnant is to have sex every 3 days periodm because there will always be sperm that lives in the mother’s body.
6. Spermatozoids march inside the vasdeferens waiting to be launched. Spermatozoids need 2-3 days to mature inside the vas deferens. Sexual intercourse that performed too often can cause unmature spermatozoid be ejaculated otherwise, if performed more than 4 days interval, spermatozoids would get obsolete and not good for fertilization.

How to get a Baby Boy :

1. Sexual Intercourse is best performed in the time of ovulation or in the day close to ovulation time.
2. Before having sex, it’s better for you to make preparation, woman’s vagina should be washed by a solution consists of 2 tablespoon of baking soda dissolved into 1 litre of water.
3. Besides that, eating basal-contained food can help also. Basal-contained food such as fish, seafood, half-ready meat can make blood turns to basal environment, but beware of toxoplasmosis.
4. The husband should ejaculate his sperm deep inside the vagina, as close as it can be to uterus opening.

How to get a Baby Girl :

1. Sexual intercourse is best performed during 2-3 days before ovulation time.
2. Before having sex, it’s better for you to make preparation, woman’s vagina should be washed by a solution consists of 2 tablespoon of vinegar dissolved into 1 litre of water.
3. The husband should ejaculate his sperm close to vagina opening so that sperm couldn’t get inside the uterus quickly. This should give gynosperm a chance to fertilize the ovum.
4. Besides that, eating acid-contained food such as sore fruits, yoghurt, and fresh vegetables

Please keep in mind, we can only make an effort, the end result depends on God’s will.

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Sex Q & A: Virginity

This one is also for those Indonesian-spoken.

Upi, Indonesia

Assalamu’alaikum, Dok.
Dengan hormat,
Saya ingin menanyakan, apakah seseorang yang pernah berhubungan sama pacarnya tapi tidak sampai dimasukin penisnya, hanya diluar saja.Apakah saya dibilang perawan?Trus, apakah saya perlu periksa sama dokter tentang keperawanan tersebut? Saya sekarang merasa sangat bersalah. Dok, saya mau bertaubat tapi apakah diterima taubat saya? Trus, apakah saya bisa dapat suami yang tidak seperti saya sebelumnya? Saya sangat khawatir akan hal itu. Karena pacar saya sekarang tidak mau diajak untuk nikah. Alasannya masih mau berkarir. Saya sekarang kuliah. Dok, apakah jika ada calon suami saya sekarang, perlukah saya mengatakan bahwa saya pernah berhubungan intim dengan pacar saya dulu? Saya benar-benar menyesal akan tindakan saya dahulu.
Wassalam

Adik Upi,

Mengenai keperawanan, itu tergantung seberapa jauh masuknya. Kalau benar-benar di luar saja sih tidak akan merusak keperawanan, tetapi kalau sudah masuk satu senti, dua senti mungkin bisa saja agak mengganggu selaput perawan anda.

Anda tidak perlu memeriksa selaput dara anda ke dokter.

Jika anda ingin bertobat cepatlah bertobat, kalau memang niat anda sungguh-sungguh pasti Allah akan menerimanya karena Allah itu Maha Pengampun.

Mengenai pacar anda yang tidak mau diajak nikah, ya.. silakan saja anda tentukan. Ada dua pilihan macam laki-laki. Yang satu adalah yang ingin seks, sedangkan yang satu adalah yang ingin menikah. Orang-orang yang ingin menikah, tidak akan mengganggu anda secara seksual, karena ia akan betul-betul menginginkan malam pertama yang indah.

Kalau memang mereka sudah melakukan seks secara kontinyu, maka kemungkinan besar tidak akan mau menikah. Ada laki-laki yang hasrat seksualnya besar, tapi tidak memiliki uang untuk pergi ke penjaja seks, maka mereka akan mencari seks yang gratisan. Kalau anda menolak, ya mereka akan cari orang lain yang mau diajak seks bebas. Itulah masalahnya terutama pada mahasiswa.

Anda tidak perlu takut, kalaupun anda ingin memeriksakan diri ke dokter, nanti saja jika akan menikah sebab kalau dilakukan sekarang, nanti justru akan menimbulkan stress pada diri anda. Jangan pikirkan hal-hal yang sudah lewat, pikirkanlah masa depan. Masa lalu boleh dipakai sebagai bahan pelajaran dari pengalaman, dan lakukan hal yang lebih baik di masa depan.

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Sex Q & A: Saya sempat membayangkan jadi lesbian

Sorry for those english-speakers now we give a chance for ‘Bahasa Indonesia’ questions to be posted:

Kintan, Indonesia:

Dokter,

Dok, saya wanita berumur 25 tahun. Di lingkungan sekitar saya, ada perempuan yang berpacaran dengan sesama jenisnya (lesbian). Kadang dalam hati saya bertanya-tanya, apa sih enaknya? Bahkan kadang-kadang sempat juga membayangkannya. Apakah saya normal dok? Saya takut keterusan dengan pikiran seperti itu dan sampai terjerumus.

Adik Kintan yang manis, di Indonesia,

Di lingkungan anda ada seorang wanita yang berpacaran dengan sesama atau lesbian. Dalam hati anda bertanya-tanya, apa sih enaknya? Kadang-kadang anda sampai membayangkannya. Anda takut keterusan dan terjerumus (mungkin sepertinya ‘kecebur’ sumur?).

Saya lihat di sini bahwa anda juga memiliki kecenderungan ke arah homoseksual. Homoseksual adalah gairah seksual terhadap yang sejenis. Tapi anda jangan terlalu takut.

Kalau kita menggunakan teori dr. Alfred Kenzie maka dia mengatakan bahwa memang diciptakan 96% manusia itu sebagai biseksual dalam gradasi-gradasi yang dibagi dalam 5 kelas. 2% manusia yang tergolong dalam pure homoseksual, dan 2% lagi tergolong dalam pure heteroseksual. Kedua golongan ini tidak dapat bergaul dalam masyarakat. Bahkan mereka justru yang dianggap sebagai orang sakit. Semua manusia normal berada dalam grup biseksual.

Salah satu contoh yang ringan, Seorang wanita dapat menikmati kecantikan wanita lain walaupun tidak terangsang. Misalnya anda senang dengan bintang film tertentu seperti Madonna, atau anda senang melihat penampilan dari Marissa Haque, ini menunjukkan bahwa di dalam diri anda ada sebagian dari homoseksual tadi.

Jadi itulah klasifikasi yang dibuat oleh dr. Alfred Kenzie. Apa yang anda lakukan yaitu hanya membayangkan saja masihlah normal. Anda tidak perlu takut selama anda tidak melakukan hubungan praktis. Saya kira anda tidak akan terpengaruh kalau hanya membayangkan saja.

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Sex Q & A: I frequently had this sado-masochist fantasy.

Rbt, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I’m a 22 year-old man and not married. In recent weeks, I frequently had this sado-masochist fantasy. I didn’t know where it came from, but I always try to fight this fantasy. Am I normal, doctor? I’m so afraid that this fantasy would disturb my sexual life in my marriage later.

Dear Rbt in Indonesia,

So you frequently had sado-masochist fantasy, and you had tried to fight it. As long as it stays only as a fantasy, you would still be normal. But if this sado-masochist fantasy has become an action and caused pain or death, this is very serious. Of course it would be classified as abnormal.

Usually, a sado-masochist begins from depressed personality. Maybe he has parents who are very strict and make him depressed. he could become a sado-masochist (enjoy receiving pains/hurts or enjoy hurting someone) then because he frequently received pains from his parents (beated, kicked etc). On the other hand, he might rebel against them and become very sadistic such as killing his parents. So it has relationship with one’s childhood.

So, if you have lover who is sado-masochist too in your future marriage, it’ll be a great match for sexual relationship. Sado-masochistic fantasy is still normal and won’t become a serious problem for you. If someone who is in serious grade of sado-masochist and has wife who isn’t, then she might refuse to do sado-masochistic things. Sado-masochist can sometimes disturb sexual relationship because non sado-masochist will refuse to hurt his/her partner or to be hurt by his/her partner in sexual performance.

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Sex Q & A: I often cannot reach satisfaction, Is there something wrong with me?

Uci, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

In our sexual life, I can get orgasm easily sometimes, but I often cannot reach it. Is there something wrong with me, doc? Does each woman have different easiness in orgasm? I have a friend who told me that she can reach it very easy. How could it be doctor?

Dear Uci in Indonesia,

You’re right that women have different experience toward orgasm. Some of them can reach orgasm easily, but some of them cannot. This can be caused by many things. One of them is that each woman has different stimulating spots on her body. The most stimulating spot on women is around clitoris. You know clitoris is located at the top of vagina. It is located on the upper conjunction of labium minora. Clitoris is quite the same as penis in man. It is the area which consists of many blood-vessels that usually can bring abundant sexual stimulation. This would make women easy to reach orgasm. But there are many other spots beside clitoris.

There are areas around vagina that can bring sexual stimulation. First, there is U-Spot (Urinary Spot), located about 1 cm down from the urethra. Try to stimulate this area by pressing or rubbing it. Sometimes you can do it using your husband’s penis or by finger.

Then, on the base of vagina there is the S-Point (Stretch Point). Right under the Perinium, try to stretch it left or right by your fingers. This spot can bring much stimulation to most women. The last spot is called as G-Spot. G-Spot is located on the upper wall inside the vagina. If you touch the upper wall of vagina by finger after you passed the urethra, go inside about 1-2 cm. You’ll found a bone that is called ‘pubic bone’. G-Spot is located on the back of pubic bone. Of course you can reach it by fingers only because it’s very hard to reach it by penis, except if your husband have tilted-up penis. G-Spot can also be reached if the penis is aimed to the upper wall of the vagina.

You said that you can get orgasm sometimes. I suggest you to pay attention on what position, what kind of activity in your sexual intercourse that can make you reach orgasm. Also, Pay attention on the stimulating spot and how to stimulate it. If your friends said that she can reach orgasm easily, maybe that’s because they’ve known each other very well. Her husband can make her reach orgasm easily because he really knows how to stimulate his wife. I hope you understand it.

So i suggest you to make a map of your body. All sides, the front and the back side of your body. Try to stimulate a spot and give it a point. Ranges from +1 to +3. 1 point means that this spot has sexual stimulation, 2 has more sexual stimulation, and 3 has the most sexual stimulation. So, when you are having sex with your husband, you can stimulate it effectively to help you reach orgasm easily.

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Sex Q & A: What is Menopause?

Nn, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I’m a teenage girl and has very limited knowledge about sex. I would like to ask you about what menopause is and what its influence is for women?

Dear Innocent Nn in Indonesia,

So, you’re a girl who wanted to know about menopause. Menopause is the end of reproduction phase at women, marked by the halt of menstruation totally because ovarium has stop producing fertile ovums. This would also stop the production of basic reproduction hormonals such as estrogen and progestron which is marked by hormonal fluctuation.

Fluctuation, more or less is like a battery which is going to lose its energy. Sometimes it has big power, sometimes it loses its power completely irregularly. Usually a woman at this state is getting an irregular menstruation, the menstrual interval is changed into irregular period, sometimes once a month, twice a month, three times a month or even twice a week. The amount of blood excreted will also be various. Sometimes she excrete a lot of blood, sometimes just a little. This could be very annoying to women.

Another thing that we have to know about menopause is that there is a change is psychological state on women which is caused by the alteration of these hormons. We can see the example of psychological state alteration of a woman in her puberty. In puberty, woman’s sexual hormons are developing and the alteration of her psychological state is happened when menstruation stop. Sometimeswe can also see this in a pregnant woman. The process is quite the same. The psychological problem in menopause are inconfidence, easily get upset, motoric disturbances, felt hot in the face and flushing. And then, she felt uncomfortable and there are also other disturbances such as skin disturbance, dry-skin, vagina secretion becomes dry which can cause pain when having sexual relationship. The urethra skin can also be thinning which can cause an urethral infection on women. Pains in muscle, bone and finally what we’re afraid of is the osteoporosis (the reducing of calcium in bones).

These symptoms will not always affect women and they would affect women variously. About 30% of women that have reach menopause, reported get these symptoms. 70% of them didn’t get any of these symptoms and didn’t have any problem in their menopause. I hope you will be included in this 70%. Amien.

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