Ani, Indonesia:
Dear Doctor,
I’m a 26 year-old woman and have just been married. Right now, I have a big problem. I did not bleed after first penetration on my wedding night. My husband suspected that i have had sexual relationship with another man before married. I sweared that i have never had sex before, doc. I’ve ever heard that there’s kind of hymen which woouldn’t break even if it is penetrated by penis, is it true doc? If it’s true how can we check it whether it is classified into that group? Please I need your answer, I have trouble to explain it to my husband.
Dear Mrs. Ani in Indonesia,
You’ve just been married and had a big problem that you did not bleed after the first penetration on your wedding night. And then your husband suspected that you had slept with another man before, and that you have to swear to defend yourself. Your question is, how to check that your hymen whether it is still intact or not. Well, of course every gynaecologist can check it. The problem is, gynaecologist won’t be able to tell you whether the hymen is broken by sexual intercourse or by some accidents such as intense sport activities or severe trauma.
I think it’s better to let a gynaecologist explain it to your husband, and not you. Maybe you can explain it to a gynaecologist who can understand your problem and want to help you. In modern life, hymen is not always be broken by first penetration. If the hymen is not elastic enough then it will be broken during sport which require extreme movement.
So, if your husband want to have a 100% virgin woman, maybe he should marry a traditional woman who always wear “kebaya”. They should be still 100% virgin because they cannot move freely with that kind of clothes.
What Men always worried about virginity is that women usually have deep feeling with a man with whom she get her first sex-experience. You know that to women, first impression couldn’t easiliy be removed from their memory. So if you already have good impression about your first sexual experience with another man, it could endanger your marriage if conflict occured. I hope it’s clear enough. I suggest that both of you visit a gynaecologist who can help you and really want to help you.
